America's on Line 1

Apparently I'm very popular with countries. In addition to a letter I once received from all of Canada (letting me know exactly how much I was hated by the entire country), I have was recently rung by all of America. It went a little something like this:

At 2 am on a Friday night, a few beers into the evening, my cell phone rings. "Hello, this is America calling. Just checking the line. Thanks." Click. Bewildered, ecstatic, (and perhaps a little drunk) I erupt into nearly maniacal laughter at the the thought that America had just called to check in. All I can say is...Finally! I know I've got some ideas to share with America! I realize that if America is planning on calling all it's citizens, both within the States and without, I probably wouldn't have been able to share my thoughts in detail, but maybe more time than a "Hello. Uh...ok?" would have been nice.

Hey America! Call me back! Like the seething comeback that comes to you 20 minutes later, I've realized what I could say and how you be astonished by my wit, while also giving me a grudging respect. Clearly, you've got my number. Use it.